Camp Living Stones: Focus

Mondays are usually difficult for me. I go from spending every waking hour doing fun things with the staff on the weekends, to sitting in an office alone hoping Stephen will come edit photos or a Pop Ice addict counselor will come grazing by the freezer in my office for a moment of brightly colored ice relief. While the other counselors are getting to know the new campers and finding a way to connect, I (wo)man the office sitting isolated from the rest of camp. Although my office duties are finished at 2pm, I often continue to feel lonely for the rest of the day. During the weeks I’m not helping in small group, I find it hard to connect with the kids in any meaningful way. It’s easy for me to become focused on myself. How lonely the office can become. I find myself envious of the relationship others are forming during the times spent together throughout the day.

I was praying about this last night after my time with the adult small group, and God so clearly brought the scripture to mind that reads “Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be give to you as well” (Matthew 6:33). That verse totally put me in check. You would think that it would be very easy to continually seek God while working at a camp totally centered on God, but it can be a challenge. While I am removed from the distractions of my life in Orlando, working here provides a whole new set of distractions. Whether it is new relationships I’m trying to build with friends here or tasks I need to finish in the office, these things can so quickly take my focus off of Christ. Sadly, there are days [even here] that pass where I do not make time to spend quality time focused on God. I get so focused on the details and intricacies of the ministry I am trying to further that I forget to focus on the one on which all of this is centered. I find myself more focused on who I haven’t had the chance to talk with today or who I’m feeling distant from instead of placing my primary focus on Christ. And for that, I’m ashamed and saddened.

I write this from a place of honesty. A place where I admit that I can get so focused on selfish desires and doing things for God, that I quickly forget to spend time with God. My focus is on things of this world, as godly as they may be, instead of solely on Christ. I’m slowly learning that my focus cannot, should not, be on ministry. As odd as that may sound, focusing on ministry isn’t focusing on God. It’s the whole Mary and Martha thing. Although ministering to others is something all Christians are called to, I cannot let that become my focus. My focus must entirely remain on Christ. Ministry will come simply as byproduct of that.

I would ask for your prayers. Pray that I would not seek with others the companionship or fulfillment that God is meant to provide until I have first found that with him. Pray that I would feel God’s love and the love of others during the lonely times. Pray that God would continue to reveal himself to me as he shapes me more into the person he has created me to be. Pray that I’m open to listen and apply what he want to teach me, especially in the moments when God is teaching me how self-centered and worldly I can be.

I hope this wasn’t a downer post. It certainly was not meant to be such, for I am not saddened or depressed. Instead I find encouragement when God teaches me something new, even if it challenges me to examine myself in a way that may be uncomfortable. Stayed tuned, for I know God will surely teach me more on my journey this summer at Camp Living Stones.

Camp Living Stones: Fun with Friends

A lot has been happening since my last update. Here’s a quick rundown.

* I turned 23! My friends here made me a birthday poster for my room and 100+ campers and staff sang to me.

* My old church from Stuart, FL came last week. It was a blast getting to spend some time with people I’ve loved for a long time.

* We found a puppy at church and brought her back to camp! I named her CoCo [Chanel]! Jon wouldn’t let us keep her, but I enjoyed the 24hrs we did have with her!

* We went funyaking with the group from Covenant. I affectionately renamed it suck-yaking because Courtney and I kept spinning in circles and ended up hitting a rapid, falling out of our boat, and losing our paddles!

* Chase’s mom sent him a new calculator watch to replace the one that died [see previous post] but he had already bought a replacement, so he gave one to me! We’re now twins, and I’m pretty stoked about my new wrist accessory!

* Courtney, Chase, Michael, Liz, Marcus, and I went to Chattanooga on Saturday. We hit up the mall, The Olive Garden, Guitar Center, and Plato’s Closet. Lindsay couldn’t join us in our trip to Chattanooga, so Chase told her he would buy her something. He ended up buying her this ridiculous dress from Plato’s Closet that cost him $1.09. She’s awesome, so she wore it to church the next day. That night Courtney, Chase, Michael, and I stumbled upon a real deal lawn mower race on the side of the road. We watched for an hour or so then headed to downtown Athens for a late night skateboarding session in which Michael dodged traffic as he skated the winding streets of TN!

* I went to a drive-in movie theater for the first time! The entire staff went, and we had a blast! We rolled down all of my windows, put my back seats down, and watched “The Jumper” from the trunk/backseat of my car. For “Indiana Jones” we moved to the roof of my car and sat in our Crazy Creeks under the stars. I fell asleep around midnight, but it was fun nonetheless.

* I’ve been working on the CLS website. I’ve added tons of photos from this summer. Check them out at http://www.camplivingstones.com/ under CLS Picture Albums.

* A group from Pell City, AL came today, and they came bearing gifts! I can tell this is going to be a great week!

That’s all I have time to write for now! It’s worship time with the campers!

Greetings from Camp Living Stones!

Because I am so easily influenced by the opinions of others, I’ve decided to comply with the requests of some to keep my blog up to date with the events of life at Camp Living Stones.

Because free time is extremely rare during the busy days at camp, my blogs will probably mostly consist of short random thoughts and stories. So, here goes.

*I played a game of “If you can catch it, I’ll kiss it” (referring to a frog) with one of the boy campers the other night. Apparently boys from Texas catch frogs for fun, so needless to say two minutes later he was holding a frog and I was kissing it in front of a large, cheering group of children.

*I’ve been given the nickname Cassie “Flo-Rida” Fryfogle here at CLS. I am one of two counselors named Cassie this summer, so I’m repping for my home state by adopting the name of a well-known rap superstar.

*I’m working with amazing people this summer! There are 10 counselors, and you can check them out at http://www.camplivingstones.com/ under Staff & Alumni! I feel like I have 9 new best friends, and I always look forward to camper-free weekends to hang out with them.

*For our “Counselor Challenge” before the kids arrived we canoed for 10.5 hours on the Hiawassee River. In the beginning it was fun. Around 11pm it became scary. There were tears. And cows. We slept in the rain on the front porch of a man named Bear.

*I’ve realized the thing that makes people experience a “camp high” and miss camp when they return home is that at camp Christians are actually behaving like Christians. And that is always refreshing. God is the same whether you’re a camp or at home.

*My birthday is tomorrow, and I will be celebrating with my new friends from Texas! I’m also hoping to spend some time with my Tennessee family (the Sharpes) this weekend!

*I've shared my testimony with girls several times since I've been here, and a lot of girls have been able to relate. Although my story is one where God has provided for me, and been faithful to me as my heavenly father, difficult emotions are brought up each time I share my life with others as I witness girls experiencing similar situations at home. It pains me to see them hurting because I've been there and realize many of these girls do not yet have the perspective to see what amazing things God can bring about through difficulties in life. Pray for these girls as God continues to write their stories.

*We had a funeral for Chase’s beloved calculator watch/magical cell phone. We sang songs and buried it on the volleyball court. I was a pallbearer.

*God is making it more clear to me everyday how selfish, vain, prideful, and materialistic I am. I’m hoping he’ll break of me of these things as I embark on a summer that is not and cannot be about me.

*My church from Stuart, FL (Covenant Fellowship) is coming on Sunday, and I’m super excited to see some familiar faces!

*I haven’t received any real mail, and as the girl in charge of checking the mail everyday that kind of depresses me. So, send me stuff!

Camp Living Stones
534 County Rd. 876
Englewood, TN 37329

That’s all for now!

Between Books Banter: A Blast From The Past

06.24.06

My favorite verse has always been Jeremiah 29:11. It reads, "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Lately I've been asking myself how much I truly trust God. Sometimes it feels like he's leading me nowhere. Like he's rolling the dice on my life and trying to figure out what to do with me.

This past week at camp we discussed the "I am" statements of Jesus. My favorite was "I am the good shepherd." In one small group session we looked at a story in the bible that I've heard several times throughout my life. Though this time I saw it differently. We talked about a time when Jesus healed a blind man. To do so Jesus spat in dirt and placed the mud over the man's eyes. Although I had never thought about it before, I found it significant that Jesus used mud. It got me thinking that sometimes it take a little mud to get us to the place where we can see Jesus. It takes enduring the discomfort of mud, the hard and painful things in life, for us to experience the great life Jesus has for us. Still we can find comfort in the fact that Jesus is our good shepherd. That he knows, loves, and protects us like a shepherd does his sheep. He has proven himself the good shepherd by sacrificing his life for us. Because of this we can trust that he will lead us when life gets tough and there's mud in our eyes. We just have to be willing to act like sheep. To listen to the shepherd's voice and follow.

God often speaks to me through music. This morning I was listening to "Table for Two" by Caedmon's Call. In it Derek Webb sings, "You can't plan the ends and not plan the means." This struck me because during rough times I often feel like God has forgotten me. Like these "great plans" he has for my life are so far off that I may never see them. I forget that not only has God planned my future (who i will marry, the career i will choose, etc.), but he has also planned my present. He has planned the means that will ultimately lead me to the ends. I often see painful and confusing times as a detour from the plans God has for my life instead of seeing them as the stepping stones to where God wants to bring me. I focus on the mud in my eyes instead of trusting that once the mud is washed from my eyes I will be able to see things more clearly.

It brings such peace to realize that God has a plan for my life. Both the good and the bad. The means and the ends. It comforts me to know that he will see me through the difficult times in my life, and that he will never give me more than I can handle. That he will be near to me when I am broken hearted and remind me of his love for me. That he has willed the painful and difficult times in my life as a way of revealing himself and his power to me. As a way of reminding me that he is my shepherd and has amazing things planned for my future. Plans to prosper me and not to harm me. Plans to give me hope and a future.

Epiphany.

<3

You know the plans that you have for me,
and you can't plan the end and not plan the means.
So i suppose i just need some peace
to get me to sleep.
(Table for Two: Caedmon's Call)

Coming Soon: Searching for God Knows What by Donald Miller

Sex.God. - Chapter Nine: Whoopee Forever & Epilogue: No More Balloons, Please

I'm done. I've been done for weeks and have been reflecting on all I've learned about God and discovered about myself through reading this book. Honestly, I don't know where to begin. So, I'll start at the end.

Bell wraps up this book by telling the story of a couple whose wedding ceremony he had conducted. At their wedding the couple released balloon as a way of symbolizing the abandon of their old lives and things in their past that may prevent them from being fully united to each other. It all started perfectly, but it didn't last long and they eventually divorced. Bell tells the reader: "I finish with this story because life is messy. Gut wrenching. Risky. Things don't always turn out well. Sometimes they don't turn out at all. Sometimes everything falls apart and we wonder if there's any point to any of it. We're tempted to shut ourselves off, fortify the walls around our hearts, and forge ahead, promising ourselves that we will never open ourselves up like that again." 

I have to be honest, I've been there. I've had relationships end in a less than ideal fashion. I've been hurt and have had those moments of wondering if I would ever find someone I could fully trust. I've had those gut wrenching moments where the tears falling down my face were evidence of a broken heart. But I've also experience what Bell leaves the reader encouraged with. He writes: "But I have to believe that we can recover from anything. I have to believe that God can put anything - anyone - back together. I have to believe that the God Jesus invites us to trust is as good as he says he is. Loving. Forgiving. Merciful. Full of grace."

God has designed sex and marriage in such a way that it gives us a glimpse into the ways in which he loves us. Pursuit, rejection, joy, sadness. The intensity with which we love in romantic relationships gives us insight into God's intense love for us. But that's just where it starts. As fulfilling as relationships, marriage, and sex can be in our lives on Earth, God's love for us can fulfill us even more. While earthly relationships fail and disappoint us, God's love for us never ends or runs dry. I've heard that before, and I've honestly always believed it. But Bell's perspective and approach to this subject made this truth real for me in a way that it never had been before. 

Relationships on Earth will never be perfect. Our hearts will be broken and what God intended for good at times may leave us feeling more empty than we can ever imagine. But it is in those moments, the ones where are hearts are aching and we feel alone, that God can encourage us and love us in a way that will truly change our lives. It is in those moments when we understand our need for connection and seek out connection with our creator. It is when we can identify with God and his relentless pursuit of us. While some in life may bail out or run away, God never leaves. In good times and bad. For better or worse. 

And that is what this book is about.

Sex.God. - Chapter Eight: Johnny and June

Whether on a movie screen or in real life, we've all witnessed an awe inspiring romance. There's something about watching an epic love story unfold that motivates us. Its scenes encourage us to better love those around us. They cause us to reflect on our ability to love and often move us to tears. But what is it exactly that excites us so much?

Bell would argue “when we meet older couples who obviously still love each other and love being married to each other, we’re inspired because so many things around us are in the endless process of falling apart.” We’re immersed in a world where most things are dying, not growing, or losing life instead of gaining life. The inspiring thing about an epic romance is its ability to not simply survive difficult times but strengthen in spite of the chaos life often brings. And who wouldn’t want a relationship [more specifically a marriage] like that?

God begins the story of creation with a union. In the Garden of Eden Eve is created as a mate for Adam, who he later refers to as “bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh.” In essence Adam is saying, “Where I am weak, she is strong, and where she is weak, I am strong.” Bell writes: “Eve is a corresponding strength for Adam. They fit together. They fill each other. They cover for each other. They’re better off together than apart.” Still, Bell believes, the marriage of Adam and Eve “is about something much bigger than the relationship itself.” He says, “It points beyond them to somebody else – to God. The point of marriage isn’t marriage. It’s a picture. A display. A window that you look through to something else.”

Marriage, Bell contends, serves as a counter to all of the brokenness present in the world. Think about it. We all have friends who are from “broken homes”. Or we know a couple that has “split up”. We’ve heard of a friend “shattered” by his lover’s infidelity. Or of somebody’s marriage that has fallen apart and who is left “picking up the pieces.” In relationships, brokenness is everywhere. And “when our trust has been betrayed and those who were supposed to stand by us don’t, this naturally has consequences for how we think about God. It becomes hard to trust that God is good when our significant relationships simply aren’t that good.” Bell says, “A marriage is designed to counter all of this. Not to add to the brokenness of the world but to add to the oneness of the world. This man and this woman who have given themselves to each other are supposed to give the world a glimpse of hope, a display for what God is like.”

Later Bell describes the qualities evident in marriages that truly reflect God’s love. Just as Adam and Eve were naked in the Garden, a quality marriage is one in which both partners are willing and able to be “naked” with each other. One where there is “No shame or embarrassment. No apologizing for who they are. No covering up or pretending. No masks or secrets. Total acceptance of each other.” He says, “That’s what we want, isn’t it? We want someone to see us exactly as we are and still love us. Being naked is terrifying. But what would it be like to be with someone who loves you exactly as you are?” This unconditional, absolute acceptance is what we all crave. Some seek it from a lover, but we can all find it from God. And when this absolute acceptance and relentless love is seen in couples, it gives a small glimpse into the love God has for us.

How do you find that kind of love? Bell says it doesn’t come easily…or quickly. It takes time. He says, “It’s easy to take off your clothes and have sex. People do it all the time. But opening up your soul to someone, letting them into your spirit and thoughts and fears and futures and hopes and dreams…that is being naked.” And that kind of exploration of a person takes times. Years. Because the discovery of a person’s soul is an ongoing process. One you never really finish if you truly take on the task. So, you can take your clothes off and “end up moving from relationship to relationship, having sex but never really being naked.”

Nakedness. It’s more than being without clothes. It’s about being willing to let someone discover who you are without any false pretenses. Without hiding the parts of yourself [or your past] that pain you and are likely to cause embarrassment when exposed. It’s about giving yourself entirely to someone and allowing him or her to fill in the spaces of you that are lacking. Being naked with someone is scary, but it can also be one of the most fulfilling and encouraging parts of life. And if you let it, it can reveal more about your creator than you had ever expected.

So find someone you can be naked with and who is willing to be naked with you. Sounds fun, huh?

Sex.God. - Chapter Seven: Under the Chuppah

I would be an unstoppable contestant on "The Moment of Truth." My life is an open book, and I have never found it difficult to share my life experiences with others [although they probably would never invite me on the show since my life hasn’t been all that scandalous…yet]. Still, when it comes to relationships [specifically within dating and marriage relationships], I believe there should be an exclusivity that limits the involvement of others within that relationship. And Rob Bell seems to agree.

Bell writes [of marriage]: "The power of their coming together is rooted in their choice to give themselves to each other and to no one else in this particular way. Out of six billion people on the planet, I choose you. And no one else. No one else gets this. No one else gets me in this specific, holy, sacred, emotional, spiritual, physical way. Its power is derived for its exclusivity."

He goes on to say that when one member of the couple looks outside the relationship for any of the fulfillment that should come solely from their partner, the relationship inevitability suffers: "When a couple shares with others what belongs to the two of them, they pay a price. The power and the mystery and, therefore, the strength of the bond come from the exclusivity. When a couple lets people too far in, when we have experienced what is theirs in some mystical way, they don't have it anymore. They gave it away." And I believe this is true in more scenarios than the obvious one where sexual infidelity plays a role. It is true when something is given away. When loyalty is broken. When the intimate becomes indiscreet. When the sacred becomes unguarded.

A marriage should be a place of confidentiality. A place of trust where one is free to share in a honest fashion without wondering – “Is this between you and me, or you, me, and your friends? Because that is going to change how much I tell you, how much I let you in, how much I trust you with, how much I give you. How naked I get with you. Is this argument between you and me, or between you and me and whoever you are going to tell about it? Is this quirky habit of mine something I let you see because I know you love me no matter what, or is this something you will entertain our friends with at a party? How safe are you?” When this aspect of a relationship is disregarded or mismanaged, it can create a fracture in the relationship and deep insecurity within the one whose secrets are left unguarded.

Bell wraps things up by reminding us that “a marriage is a sacred, holy thing, and it needs to be treated with respect and honor.” God is for marriages, and he wants us to approach them with the same dignity and commitment for which he initially intended. Within a marriage [or a relationship headed there], there must be things kept sacred. Beliefs, thoughts, and actions that must remain in confidence. Things that should not be shared with others. Because when you give away too much, you cheapen the power and exclusivity of the relationship for which you’ve been set apart.

So if you’re married, are you engaged in a relationship that is one of trust and loyalty or are you giving too much away? And if you’re single, are you preparing yourself within the confines of other relationships to one day be equipped to devote yourself to a partner and live contently under the chuppah?